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Thing of the week:
By Ian Grant
If there's one thing worse than being at work, it's not being at work. Some dastardly virus hell-bent on reducing you to a shambling wreck invades your system and, before you know it, you're compelled to spend all day shivering under a duvet, drinking Lucozade and watching Richard and Judy. It is, quite simply, not on.

The worst thing about the whole business is that there's nothing to do but sleep and watch TV. It's all so bloody BORING! Anyway, here are some of the things I was privileged enough to view during my lovely holiday...

Dog poo!
First, an extended Kilroy discussion on how leaving your dog's doings is anti-social behaviour, followed by an extended Richard and Judy discussion on how leaving your dog's doings is anti-social behaviour. Oh, the variety!

More nonsense on Kilroy about how swearing is likely to cause the downfall of all human civilisation, followed by Harry Enfield coming within a k's breadth of saying 'wank' on R&J. Hell, it amused me at the time.

Total Recall!
Comprehensively rubbish Arnie film. In the future, all men will be untalented American actors and all women will look like rejects from Fame. Some fun violent bits, except that anyone who's seen any of the really violent Japanese films (where there are so many bodies flying about, the whole thing becomes absurdly and beautifully balletic) is not impressed by that anymore. All the flashy special effects in the world couldn't stop me from thinking about what a perfectly ace and entirely superior film Barbarella is...

And, finally, during the BBC coverage of the American election, I could've sworn I saw Oliver North (yes, THAT Oliver North, the slimy neo-fascistic one) having the bloody nerve to complain about someone else's ethics. People in glass houses blah blah blah...