A whole new world has opened up since cable TV was installed. Long gone
are the days where I prepared food or carried out some DIY whilst
listening to 5-Live or Capital Gold: it's now a case of grabbing food at
half-time or not at all. Consequently, all planning goes out of the
window - I mean, how often do you say, "I'll sort my wardrobe out
tonight", or "I'll tidy the house up" and then find there's a football
match on Sky, forcing you to be a couch potato for that evening.
Naturally, this spreads to the weekend and this is where Soccer AM comes
in.
One particular Saturday morning, I awoke reasonably early and followed a
bloke's natural instinct to put the tele on and then flop into the
favourite armchair armed with 2000 remote controls. The brain instructed
the hand to fire-up Sky Sports and this show appeared. There were two
presenters (nothing unusual there) and one was female and they were
talking football. As this was vaguely interesting at this time in the
morning, I left the remote on the side and sat back to let the chat wash
over me. I actually found myself paying attention after a while. The
female presenter, Helen Chamberlain (AKA Hels-Bells), seemed to have
most of the characteristics that 99% of the blokes in this country would
die for, namely a sense of humour; love of football; long dyed-blonde
hair (okay, a fav of mine) and good pair of... sorry, it was early in the
morning. Just to show that I'm into equality, the male presenter, Tim
Lovejoy, was not too pretentious and was subtly quite funny. He is the
apparent "King of the Jack Douglas", which involves 'throwing' the right
shoulder forward whilst remaining still with the right arm relaxed (?).
Before I knew it, a couple hours had passed and it was the end of the
show. I was suitably impressed and made a note for next week.
The format of the show revolves around a plethora (today's word) of
small features that involve callers and studio guests, whether they be
famous footballers, personalities or members of joe public. Most of
these features are good ("Soccer Locker", "The 3rd Eye", "Can he still
kick it?", "The Showboat") and sensibly, they don't go on too much, but
there are duff bits, namely the "Wheel of Football" where a famous footy
bloke stands (usually uncomfortably) and spins a wheel and then answers
piss-easy questions to gain time relating to the amount of action they
can show of that footballer. The last thing, surely, a footballer wants
to see is himself and everyone in the studio lauding him as the best
thing since sliced bread - a bit cringeworthy. "The Showboat" highlights
the top three fancy football moments from the past week; "The 3rd Eye"
shows three unintentional or curious acts captured by the cameras and
the "Soccer Locker" asks a studio caller to guess the famous footballer
via a series of clues that come from the locker. The sometimes funny,
sometimes not funny, "Can he still kick it?" is where a old famous
footballer gets one chance to beat the "Fat Cat" (AKA Terry from
Brookside) from the penalty spot. It's amusing to catch up on the heroes
of yester-year to discover what they look like and what they are doing
now: does anybody remember when Nigel Callaghan appeared on the show - a
bit of a tele-tubby.
Throughout the show there are "The fans of the week", who are an eight
strong unit of loyal supporters that sit in the newly christened Luther
Blissett stand located within the main studio. Their function is to sit
and be quite loud for four hours and then take part in "I can't believe
it's not bullseye", which requires the FoTW to kick as many footballs
throw a hole in a goal from about 12 yards. It's ironic that the first Soccer
AM I saw featured Watford fans as FoTW (were any connected to BSaD?). (Our client would like to deny all knowledge and disclaim any
responsibility - BSaD Lawyer)
For a show that last from 8am to 12pm, it does rather well mainly
because it is easily accessible. It doesn't take itself seriously, it's
good light-hearted fun and is perfect TV fodder for a Saturday morning.
The presenters do work well together and aren't too chummy as we often
see on GMTV, daytime TV etc. They have the F-factor which of course
stands for football. I can imagine that some people wouldn't like it,
but I believe the majority would. Anyway, who could pass up the
opportunity to stare at Hels-Bells, especially as she's been to the Vic
at least twice this year!
Matt Bunner