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The Hall Of Arse:
Colin Simpson
by Laurence Boyd
Poor old Colin. He never stood a chance. No matter how hard he tried he never would have made it at Watford. It wasn't even anything to do with his ability to play football. No, Colin's problem was his appearance. He looks like...well, his nickname with the other players was "Beanie", as in beanpole and that's about the best way to describe him. Unfortunately for Colin, he wasn't even a particularly attractive sort of beanpole, you know, smooth and new, green, to camouflage well in the garden. Colin was the plain old scruffy, tousle-haired, squinty eyed sad boy at school who everyone picks on sort of beanpole.

Colin came through the youth system and through his hard work in training, his running off the ball and the fact that he was six feet tall and Roeder was desperate for a tall striker, he became a first year professional. Unfortunately he never could compete with the other two lads his age, Clint 'cool, even in the reserves' Easton and Wayne 'faster than a speeding bullet, touch of a Rhino' Andrews. Not in the footballing department, just in the sheer "look like a football player" department. He was a regular in the reserve team and even made one brief appearance as substitute where the refrain 'Come on Colin!' was heard to echo through the Vic End. But Colin could not make it at Watford. He would never have got a kit sponsor, he would never have modelled the team shirt and, most importantly for the YTS lads of that generation, he would never ever have pulled at Kudos.

Colin was released by Watford at the end of his first contract and subsequently scored a goal against Leyton Orient in the FA Cup for a non-league team. His performance, presumably not his looks and marketability, impressed them so much that they signed him to play alongside Alex Inglethorpe (remember him?). As far as I know, he's still there now. Probably acting as a support for one of the stands.