Remember the last episode where Jedi Master Taylor defeated the evil FA
Empire to earn a slot in the Premier League? I closed the last episode after
the great Liverpool smash and grab with this: "The Phantom Menace, that is
our GT, is now showing at grounds around the country this season. Can't wait
to see what completes the story". Fourteen months on, I can release the
After the initial raid on the Empire's Death Star at Liverpool, the Empire
reconvened and started to assess the Jedi's strength and weaknesses. They
realised that a simple manoeuvre was required to put the Jedi back in his
place. The Emperor invoked the "Play football" masterstroke and instructed
his loyal followers to spread the word around the Galaxy. Soon the Death
Star became fully operational and, like a rabbit caught in headlights, the
Rebel troops were being attacked from all angles and had to beat a hasty
retreat. Unfortunately, there was no escape. Empire Squadrons from Arsenal,
Man Utd, Spurs, Middlesbrough, Everton struck right at the heart of the Jedi
defences, but the most telling blow was the skirmish at Wimbledon where the
Empire crushed the Rebellion with five strikes to nil. The Jedi was reeling.
The Empire had evaluated and retaliated and there was nothing he could do.
Jedi Taylor knew that his troops were being defeated.
Later in the season, Jedi Taylor knew his fate and wisely resisted the calls
from Press Stormtroopers to buy, buy and buy. He opted at this time to
reassess and then consolidate what troops he had. They were young and
inexperienced, but with training and good flow of the Force from the
terraces, he knew that the long term future of the Rebellion was good. The
Empire duly won the battle that season and relegated Jedi Taylor's troops,
but they could not finish him off. Frustrated at their failed attempts to
rid the Universe of the Jedi, the Empire highlighted the inadequacies of the
Rebellion, pinpointing the lack of strikes and the amount of hits they took.
The Rebellion knew it was all paper talk....
Far, far, far away in the secluded Planet Vic, Jedi Taylor refreshed himself
and drafted new battle plans to strike back at the Empire. With the gains he
made from the Empire, he lured some of the Dark Side to Planet Vic using
their experience and knowledge to improve the Rebellion. In early August,
the Jedi and his refreshed troops came out fighting. Battle gains were made
against Huddersfield (subsequently made inoperable with desertion of their
planet commander), Barnsley, a whopping annihilation of Sheffield Utd,
Portsmouth. The Empire reared its ugly head in the form of Blackburn with
Wing Commander Souness at the helm, complete with experienced Empire troops
such as McAteer, Blake and Berg. The initial battle saw heavy losses for the
Rebellion, but the new Jedi troops adapted and rallied majestically with four
massive shots into the heart of the Death Star. Crewe were next to feel the
Force of the new strike power and hot on the heels were Stockport.
Birmingham tried in vain to derail the Rebellion assault, trying desperate
tricks such as whinging about the Force influencing the referee, unexplained
losses and Phantom diving. We knew Commander Francis was predictable as his
troops were swept aside.
Battalions from QPR and Gillingham tried their luck but could not find a way
through the stiff Rebellion defence. Forest, once a legendary army in the
Empire's make-up, has dwindled to a little training camp just North of the
Rebel base. Their resistance was futile and comprehensively dismissed.
Bolton and Wolves were treated the same way, but proved more stubborn.
During this time, the Jedi Taylor was taking a back seat, letting his
Rebellion troops do all the fighting. He knew he had been proved right by
his shrewd thinking during the quiet period a few months ago. Master Yoda
had taught him well. The Empire is now sitting up and taking notice, and
this time, I believe, the Jedi is not being underestimated. Although there
is a long way to go in the struggle against the Empire, there is a New Hope
that the Rebellion under the guidance of Jedi Taylor will rise and continue
to strike at the heart of the evil Empire.
Feel the Force, Graham.