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BLIND, STUPID AND DESPERATE
 
Editorials:
Inside Story:
How we ended up with Paul Devlin
By Andy Barnard
 
Little is known about the anonymous fan who came up with the dosh to enable us to sign Paul Devlin, but maybe the following email reveals a few clues. Or there again, maybe not...

--- Lying Git < janny_austin@hotmail.com> wrote:
> I am writing from Republic of Benin where I reside
> since after the civil war in our country
> Sierra-leone.

Hmmm. Well, since your email doesnít claim to be from
Nigeria or the former Zaire, I suppose there's a
chance itís genuine.

> I wish to invest in any country with political
> stability, reliable, dependable in frastructure and
> Security of
> life and property.

How about Iraq, then? Bit iffy at the moment I know,
but should be OK now that the US taxpayerís being
forced to cough up another 87 billion bucks to do it
up properly.

> A friend who is a foreigner on a
> working visit
> in Cotonou the capital of Benin gave me your contact
> address.

Ah, that must be my good mate Osama. Heís always
giving out my email address to the offspring of
murdered African ministers.

> So,
> I decided to propose this to you, that after the
> death of my
> father the formal minister of mineral resources in
> siere-leone,

Let me guess, was he an honest chap just doing his
best for his country or a corrupt thieving bastard?

> life has become worst,because my father was murdered
> by the rebel
> leaders due to his position in the country and later
> they started
> searching for me, then i decided to leave the
> country.

Poor thing! How did they do him in: was it just a
quick whack on the head with an iron bar, or did they
brutally hack him into tiny pieces with machetes?

> But before his death, he called me as his only
> daughter and told me about some Fund he deposited
> with
> a
> financial truth house in Cotonou-Republic Du Benin,
> this money is
> from some diamonds he sold few months ago before the
> incident.

Oh, sounds like a corrupt thieving bastard then...
Good to know he came to a sticky end.

> As it stands now, I want to invest this fund in your
> country in
> any good and profitable business that you may
> suggest.

Well, Osamaís got a thriving funeral parlour business
in Baghdad. Seems like a winner to me!

> From the documents received from my family
> lawyer,the
> total
> amount left behind by my late father are the sum of
> $26 Million
> USD and some Gold dust worth of $2.5 Million USD.

Definitely a corrupt thieving bastard.

> This amount was willed to me by my late father. I am
> willing to
> invest this fund in a company with potentials for
> growth and
> stability including you if your byelaws allows for
> foreign
> investors, but if not,I will still want you to help
> me
> to invest
> this money in any other country.

Well as luck would have it, Osamaís looking for
someone to invest in a bomb factory in the basement of
his funeral parlour just in case business slackens
off.

> I will be offering you 15% of the total fund,and 5%
> for any
> expenses incured by you in this transaction.
>
> I will be very happy if this enquiry receives urgent
> attention.
> Thanks for your willingliness and acceptance.

Aw shucks, Janny, I donít want your blood money! But
just a mo - how do I know this isnít another hoax from
someone wanting to get hold of my bank account
details? Tell you what, I'll have a word with Osama if
you put up the money for Watford Football Club to sign
Paul Devlin from Birmingham City and pay his wages for
three years. Devlinís a useful winger and should be
available for a couple of hundred thousand.

> Hoping for a very successful business relationship
> with you.
> Best Regards,
> Ms janny austin
> 00229648557

The pleasure's all mine!

(18/09/03)